New beginnings

Comfy? Have a biscuit. Milk? It's good to have a sit down and a chat...my feet are killing me. Thank you for the good wishes, they worked a treat.

So here's the thing. I was dreading this move. You know that beacause I whinged about it quite frequently. But you know what? It's fine. The move was stressful, five people and a dog accumulate a lot of stuff and as we moved into a smaller property it did lead to a few head scatching moments. That is until I reaslised the removal man had gone purple and was sweating profusly and so I hurried my decision, usually with "Ah stick it in the garage/garden/shed for now." Or in fact on one occassion when we realised two arm chairs were absolutely not going to make it in I asked jokingly "Would you like them?" To which he replied yes and back in the truck they went. Yet I am surprised how comfortable I already feel in this new place, I like the energy here and the children love the fact that they are a walk through the park to school.

Most importantly, we're in, and fear not because the most hectic day of all was friday and my thirteen year old came home for the first time to the new house and reappeared with her nails painted as is her tradition on the weekend. Just in case you were concerned we might let standards slip in the chaos. There am I and Mr. Reasons, nose deep in boxes, four removal men still on the go, house freezing cold because it's artic outside and the doors been open all afternoon and she manages to find nail varnish along with the time and will to apply it. Quite a feat.

At the end of the day we flopped in a heap and opened up the bottle of red wine, sent with two glasses from my Lakeland Pal who has lost everything except two bookcases in the Cumbrian floods. We toasted her and her husband who are up there with nothing, whilst we are down here trying to cram all of ours in somehow.

See you on the other side..

Moving day has arrived. Sadly I've neglected my blog and visiting all of you because...well it's been darn hectic around here! Plus a well known large telecommunications company cut of my broadband for a week, deciding I was moving a week earlier than the actual date, bless 'em. In the desperate end I used nepotism and had my brother, who works for them, step in and get me back on line. Thus the hasty hello before I go to the land of unpacking boxes.

Back soon with a full report. Have the kettle on.

Sparing many thoughts...

Back in May I wrote a post about a wonderful weekend I'd spend with my Lakeland Pal in Cumbria. This weekend my heart goes out to her and all who, like her, have been flooded from their homes. She was rescued on Friday from an upstairs window and has spent the weekend trying to find somewhere to live with her husband and dog. I cannot imagine what they must be going through and we are all thinking of them and sending much love.

This preys on my mind, but still so do my own problems. Mr. Reasons had a fourth interview with a company last week, he did very well in the interviews, excelled in two of the tests and messed up a verbal reasoning test. This morning he got a call to say although that they'd all been ready to hire him on the basis of the interviews, but that rules were rules and he didn't meet the benchmark on one test. He is obviously extremely upset as he can do the job standing on his head. This is hard. I really do think the world is going slightly mad.

I am preparing to move house next week and the reality of it all has hit me and I feel like I am wading through treacle whilst at the same time knowing I am lucky to have somewhere warm and dry to go and live. Cupboards must be cleared and my already sorry arthritic hands are complaining. I must pace myself and be organised, this is the only way forward.

The advice about bullying I am so grateful for. I only wish I'd been blogging when this happened the first time around. My daughter for now is coping well. I am coaching her and keeping a close eye. For now I think the bullying is mainly directed towards her friend and my daughter is sticking close and supporting her. There seems to be another group of girls who the are gravitating towards and although I don't think the other girls will give up easily I do believe any involvement my me at the moment may just make things worse.

So blah! Life's a struggle at times isn't it folks?

Female Passive Agression

Dear Aunty Blog,

I don't know what to do. My 13 year old daughter started at Secondary school when we moved to a new area and seemed to settle in fine, made friends easily and has been happy there.

My older daughter went into year nine at the same school (at that time aged 13) and had an awful time. She was badly bullied and as a result we had to move her to a private school where she has been fine since. The school were totally inept at dealing with the situation and despite my daughter having no problems prior or since her experience at the school, they were in total denial about her being bullied and even seem to favour protecting the bullies.

Now my younger daughter is experiencing problems too. One of her 'friends' has brought a group of new girls to join their friendship circle but seems to have decided she doesn't want my daughter (or one of her other friends) around anymore. She is loud, rude, she excludes them and this weekend the situation got worse.

Six of the girls, including my daughter went to Birmingham City centre for the ill-fated free xmas light concert. We didn't really want her to go but after much begging we agreed but only once the i's had been dotted and the t's crossed - i.e. stick together, spare cash in the bra, times agreed for coming home etc.

Not long after arriving in town I received a call to say the 'leader' and two others had gone off and that my daughter and her two friends (one of which is the other one who seems less favoured by the 'leader') were trying to find them.

To cut a long story short the other girls made it impossible for them to find each other and due to the disastrous organisation of the concert which was cancelled due to health and safety, my daughter and her two friends were brought home in a car by one of her friend's mother.

Prior to this I'd called the 'leader' who was not answering her phone to the other girls and asked her to call them. I also asked her about the fact that she'd been saying she was going to get the bus home when it had been agreed that they would all get the train. She denied this and then called my daughter and made up lots of lies about things I was supposed to have said to her.

That evening 'the leader's' mother called to ask if my daughter was OK, she said that they had obviously had a fall out and would all have their own version of events but that her daughter wanted to forget about it all and move on. I agreed that my daughter would want to do the same and for their to be no accusations on either side.

When my daughter got to school yesterday morning she said 'hi' to everyone however she quickly found out that 'leader' had spread rumours around the whole friendship circle, including those who weren't there and had the whole story twisted. My daughter and her friend spent lunch on their own and many of the girls are ignoring or whispering about them. The third girl who was with my daughter at the concert decided, once she'd see how the 'leader' had manipulated the situation, jumped right back in with her by saying it was all a misunderstanding . This is because she was so worried about how all the other girls had become involved and feared being shuned by the group so she is not getting the same treatment as the other two.

I tossed and turned last night wondering how bad this will get. It has been building up to this for a while and I am so worried that my daughter will end up being bullied as my eldest daughter was. I want to call the mother of the 'leader' and inform her about her daughter's antics but deep down I know it will only make things worse. Yet it is so hard to stand back and watch. One of the problems I see with the culture in the school is that the children all seem to have very set friendship groups so if you are shoved out of one by a bully, it is hard to break into other circles - jealousy and control seem to be the order of the day.

Am I right to stand back and support her from afar or should I wade in and try to nip it in the bud?

Yours,

A Worried Mum

Grumpy old woman

I went to visit the house we're going to move into this morning. We shall be off on the 3rd of next month and we've all been pretending it's not really going to happen. Having been and seen it again I feel a bit better about it. It's not a patch on where we are now but it's clean and sufficient in terms of space, in a good location and will cost us less in rent and heating bills.

The big downer - not bringing the dog - is still worrying me. Boy Rugby still doesn't know and I haven't found the right time....yes I'm a coward.

The landlord was there today. At first he wasn't really going to engage with us, then we got chatting and he told us a lot about himself. How his mother used to live in the house, how she got ill and they were going to move in with her so they had an extension built but then she became too ill before it was finished so they moved her into a nursing home where she died soon after. How his wife was then diagnosed with MS and sadly passed away this June and he is now not able so sleep... I hardly felt able to bother him with our pet issue and have decided to broach it once we've moved in and perhaps established more of a relationship with him. Poor guy, he was really hurting.

I am pretending that Christmas is not really happening next month as I imagine are most people who find themselves having to move in December and would be grateful if Costa Coffee would not play Christmas music during the quick 20 minutes I spend chatting with a friend in town. Per-lease! As if that isn't bad enough we have Argos ramming toy adverts at us and the card shops practically bereft of anything except Santa cards - woe betide anyone who decides to get married or sick or need to be thanked from October onwards - it's CCCHHRRRISTMAS!!!! Bah humbug!

Oh and what about Halloween? What ever happened to scary please? My teenage daughters went out as the most glamorous witches I've ever seen. Sparkly hotpants, high heels and false eyelashes? Boo!!! Feeling scared Mum...?

No, just OLD.

Go! Fight! Win!

It is gradually dawning on me how much we will miss our beloved pet Charlie when he goes to live with my parents - four hours away - when we move into our new rented house. I knew it wouldn't be easy of course, but at the moment I am acutely aware of how often the children turn to him. He's an unconditional friend, always there for them, pleased to greet them on their return from school, cuddle them by the fire, play games in the garden and even facilitate the earning of pocket money by cheerfully agreeing to be walked. What a star.

During some of our bleakest times I have turned to him too, a good walk with the dog lifts the spirits, offers exercise and fresh air. I shall always be a walker, but it won't be the same without him. I hope my mum copes with him and am grateful she's agreed to have him. Let's hope she knows what she's let herself in for!

I suppose it also marks another (albeit temporary) goodbye. Life seems to have closed in since we left the north two and a half years ago. More doors have closed than have opened.

Each time we have had to deal with a goodbye - to family, home, job, healthcarers, the glue that binds us five gets stronger. We're not happier for it, life is difficult and has been for a while now, but as a unit we have to support each other more and more.

It's strange when you can't plan for the future but the flip side of it is that you stay very much in the now. I just comfort myself with the thought that this has to be a numbers game. If Mr. Reason's applies for enough jobs, eventually his number will come up. If we've eaten the house money and our furniture by then, there's nothing I can do about it. We begin from scratch. I just hold on to the fact that I have my family. My reasons to be cheerful.

Perhaps going ever so slightly mad...

Cathartic though it is to write about our difficulties, sometimes it is tiring to be aware of how bad things are and may yet be, so for a while I have promised myself I will only post about good things that are happening. So you won't be hearing from me for a while.

Joke.

Today I did a wonderful Qigong class with my very treasured Parisienne Pal and we ate poached eggs and drank tea afterwards. The sun is shining and later my exuberant 10 year old will return from a weeks trip away. I will make his favourite meal of shrimp, rice and veg. I know, it's not exactly the norm for a 10 year old boy but stems from days by the beach at his aunt's beach house at Alligator Point in Florida. Happy days.

Autumn Baby (16 on Sunday) is bouncing around the place like Tigger because she loves birthdays, hers in particular, and shines with happiness.

Also, I want to thank Lori and Rosario for the award above and ask you all to please accept it if you don't have it already. This award is an acknowledgement of womanhood and sisterhood. I can't tell you how much your support has meant to me lately, please take the award and post it on your blog. Honorary sisters have to include Dagenham Dave and Rob-Bear...all helping to ensure I am only slightly mad instead of totally barking.

There.

I did OK didn't I?

Not a whinge in sight.

What made you smile today?